Understanding man code

OK—so I love the whole living with a boy thing. It’s great. There is always someone to mow the lawn (even though I didn’t have a lawn before), to check Big Jake’s tire pressure (because I don’t think about things like that), and let the dogs out in the middle of the night when I don’t want to (no explanation needed). And there are countless other wonderful things I won’t elaborate on here…

On the flipside, there are many things I’ve had to learn since moving in with Sean. These things are what I like to call: MAN CODE.

1)   Washing dishes will always be my “thing.”

Sean does the “boy chores,” and I do the “girl chores.” However, the itty-bitty feminist inside me does occasionally pop out for a visit and boycott the dishes (did I mention we don’t have a dishwasher?). Sean is great about stepping up to the plate when I’m being a crankerpuss. Other than those sparse instances, this is a “man code” I can handle. The day you see me on pushing a lawnmower? Yeah right. Lets just say if I did it, I’d be really hard up for a good story to tell on the blog.

2)   The toothpaste phenomenon.

Now, this particular man code isn’t a new thing for me, oh no. I shared a bathroom with my little brother for 18 years, and whenever we did share toothpaste, he was REALLY talented when it came to leaving the cap off. I mean, seriously men—and this goes out to all men, until I hear proof that there are rare breeds who understand screwing as it applies to toothpaste: What is it about the toothpaste that makes you FORGET to put the cap back on? Do you like how it looks there on the counter, all unfinished and ready to dry out? Do you enjoy when you have to put it on the next day and crank it down over the crusties? Is it your goal to spend as much money as possible on new toothpaste because your old ones always dry up so quick? I can’t comprehend this. I don’t even have any more words to say about this.

Oh wait, yes I do… I forgot to mention the technique—OH THE TECHNIQUE! The ole’ squeeze from the middle method—so that all the toothpaste either gets shoved to the front, or shoved to the way back. Whatever happened to rolling the end of the toothpaste up so that all the toothpaste is neat and tidy, ready and waiting to be squeezed out properly? I’m sure there’s got to be an anal-retentive guy out there who does this. And if you wouldn’t mind coming over to our house and explaining to Sean why toothpaste-care is just as important as dental hygiene (Sean loves brushing his teeth), well that would be great.

3)   Last, but certainly not least—TOILET PAPER.

I would be embarrassed if this is just Sean and I, but we go through a lot of toilet paper. And somehow, I always find that I’m the one changing the roll. I mean, EVERY TIME. And I’ve slowly been explaining to Sean that it’s not so much about him replacing the roll on the dispenser, but as long as he leaves a full roll near the toilet if he’s in a hurry, then I don’t get stuck in a pinch cursing him for being so cruel. And also, it would be nice if he’d change the roll once and a while.

So today, I walk in the bathroom and to my surprise, Sean has gone above and beyond the call of manly duty. Not only did he bring in an extra roll and set it on the shelf (because the roll on the dispenser was still empty)—he brought a grand total of SIX EXTRA ROLLS! I mean, if we had some sort of bathroom emergency where our lives depended on the amount of toilet paper in that room, well… we’d be set. It just cracks me up that after all that effort, the empty roll was still on the dispenser. I’ve got to give him credit for trying, no?

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